July 17th, 2012
I am such a girl. I can’t stop playing with or looking at the ring She gave me. It makes me happy. It makes it real. Something of Hers’ that She wants me to have. And it’s shiny and pretty. Everyday I love Her more and more. I realized (finally) this weekend that She will be there to hold me up whenever I need extra strength. She is not going anywhere.
Daddy’s Girl
It was something I never got to be, but secretly wanted. To be adored and cherished by him. To hear him call me by a pet name like some 1950’s sitcom Dad. (Cheesy, yes I know.) To feel safe and protected in his arms. To be accepted no matter what I’ve done. To give me advice and guidance when I have questions. To catch me when I fall. And above every thing else, to love me (flaws and all) unconditionally. To be, “A Daddy’s girl.”
When Daddy first asked me to be His girl, I was a bit worried. My slave heart wanted nothing more than to make Him happy, but I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to fulfill His wish. Being raised by a single Mom made me feel ill-prepared to take on the role. Hell, the word Dad let alone Daddy was foreign in my vocabulary. In the end though I was curious plus pleasing Him, making Him happy would ultimately satisfy my goal as a slave.
I think He is starting to know me better than myself. He can look at me and know when something is not right. He always knows exactly what to say to calm my fears and He is always there to wipe away my tears. (Did I just rhyme? Getting to mushy, time to wrap this up.)
It is not always easy to be a Daddy’s girl. I want Him to be proud of me. I worry I’ll disappoint Him. Does He realize that His love, His trust, His compassion, His honesty make me want to be a better person? I have to imagine this is how a real Daddy’s girl must feel…
May 17, 2012
All my insecurities are slowly bubbling to the surface. Negative thoughts are creeping in. Questioning if this is real, can I do this, what if, what if, what if… So much to gain and equally as much or more to lose. I know it’s my choice whether or not I let them effect me, but today I just don’t have the strength to fight them off.
